Distancing yourself from people whose goals are no longer aligned with yours.

Periodically we encounter someone we instantaneously ‘click’ with. Right away we find we have some of the same goals, interests, and personalities are alike. We ‘get’ each other. We embark on a friendship or sometimes more than a friendship. Weeks, months, and, if we are lucky, years go by and we find ourselves linked with this person. 

As time goes by our alter ego is still the same cool individual as to when we first met but we start noticing that their goals and/or life philosophy are beginning to diverge from ours.

It’s not unusual that with time we outgrow some people or some people outgrow us and are no longer on the same path as us. Everyone evolves in the ways they think, interpret, and perceive. Suddenly the people in our circle, who we love, no longer have the same compatible outlook on life as we do. Here are a few of the many ways to distance yourself from people whose goals and outlook are no longer aligned with yours.

Be honest: Have a frank conversation. Outline what is on your mind, go over the points of contention regarding conduct or actions, and see if there is a willingness by the other party to change. People who want to continue a relationship with you will be open and try to adjust accordingly. 

Distance yourself: Master the art of saying no. There is nothing wrong with saying no, especially to things that do not serve you; that means no to socializing or other requests. Start politely declining friend requests to meet up for leisure or business activities.

Try to re-affirm common goals: Revisit the goals and values you once shared. Bring up good memories and milestones/achievements and try to understand together where and why things started to diverge.

The uneasy truth is through our life people come and go. There is some reason for everything and even though it’s hard to part ways with some, there was a lesson in that relationship that you or they needed to move forward in your lives. It’s also important to keep in mind that there are myriads of reasons the dynamics of relationships change – family, work, geography, new influences. People begin to walk in different directions, start seeing life through different lenses. This doesn’t imply that one person is better than the other. It just means that it pays to be pragmatic. If there is a person in your life that doesn’t add value or is holding you back, it’s probably best to put some distance in between or leave them behind. 

By: Harper Harris